At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
