Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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