after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
