don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
