dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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