I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
