and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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