please come you make the beer taste better
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
