hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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