I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
