You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
