you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
