Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
