I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
