dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
