3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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