Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
pray to the hookup gods
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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