Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
