the condom got lost in my hair
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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