3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
