Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
