dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
