Pappa wants mamma naked
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
