so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i drank out of a bidet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
