Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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