WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
