what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
