Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize