I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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