he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
