idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
