Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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