does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
