the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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