shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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