I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
