we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize