There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My vagina is officially offended.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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