Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
