he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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