erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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