this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
