i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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