I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
