Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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