...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
