Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
