her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
