but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
