cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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