the new term for farting is butt boxing.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
