Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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