i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I look better un-naked...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
