____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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