she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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