I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
