I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
