well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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