Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
