why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
