I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
