i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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