just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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