Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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