i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
